Usha and the rest of the family had started to get back into a routine with Nanna, Datt and Baby recovering and gaining good health. Nanna and Baby were getting stronger and more settled. Datt was recovering and getting restless. He wanted to go back to his job and his mission, but still the situation was not suitable, his colleagues in Rawalpindi had written to him to stay put in Srinagar for a little while longer.

They told him that he won’t be safe in Rawalpindi as he was the most wanted man in his locality due to his enmity with the goons from the Muslim side, for his unwelcome intervention in their seedy affairs regarding young Hindu girls whom they would abduct. He and his group members used to remain on look out for such incidents so that when a young girl went missing they could find her and bring her back. (and for that matter, he had also intervened when Muslim girls had been taken by goons from the Hindu side).

The days were full of activities, with having more people, especially, another grown up man in the house, besides two little children in the house, as Usha’s youngest brother was still quite little, and baby who was just one year old, Mataji had to spend more time in cooking and doing other house chores, but she did not mind. She enjoyed cooking and could create an amazing spread of delicious food in no time using limited ingredients.

Mataji always used to say that

“The most important ingredient to make a delicious dish is love and lots of coriander”, both of which they always had plenty of.

Especially, the herb, coriander or “hara dhaniya” was free with vegetables. Their vegetable vendor always left a big bunch of dhania and a handful of green chillies whenever she bought veggies from him.

Usha and Nanna had started to help her and under her guidance were learning and practising cooking, on their way to becoming great cooks in their own time.

Mataji was the great role model for them in everything, as no matter how busy the day had been, in the evening, just before Pitaji came home, Mataji would wash her face and powder her nose, put on a clean chunnie or change her sari, brush her hair and put a flower in it. If she forgot, one of the kids will go and get a flower for her.

She always welcomed Pitaji with a smile and then they had a cup of tea while talking about their respective day and exchanging news.

Pitaji had started to talk of leaving Kashmir. He was looking for some way to move to Punjab, as he was worried about the deteriorating situation in Kashmir and was afraid for his family’s safety.

India had more than 650-660 princely states at that time, which had been under the British Raj, and would form independent India. But Jammu and Kashmir considered itself autonomous. If the British left, and India was to be divided, as was becoming more and more possible, it’s Hindu king was hoping to rule his independent state, which had more Muslims than Hindus. The whole thing didn’t bode well.

There was a discussion that Mataji might take the kids to Lahore a bit early this year, while Pitaji went to Sargodha or Jallandar to look for some work. After Usha passed her FA exam, she could take admission in B.A. in Lahore.

Usha wanted to stay and study in Srinagar, the place that she loved the most, but there was no way she could say anything.

Murti had still not come back and there had not been any further talk of her marriage. She was restless and wanted everything to settle quickly.

Frustrated with her helplessness, Usha felt like running away into the clouds of Monsoon, which had been gathering all around, and wanted to emerge on the other end, somewhere where Murti would be waiting for her.

Monsoon in India is the most romantic season, it being the harbinger of rains. After a scorching summer, rains are welcome everywhere, but especially in the hills, the gathering of gossamer clouds creates magic everywhere. The easing of the cascading rain and the settling of the foggy clouds in the valley in the setting sun, like someone has spilled a basket of balls of cotton against the blushing pink and orange coloured hill tops. The clouds then rise from beneath, rather than from the sky magically, and fill the whole valley. The air becomes thick and moist and clings to hair and clothes such that in no time, one’s attire becomes dishevelled. Usha was walking back from her friend’s house one such afternoon.

Fatima had been sick and had missed a few classes, so Usha had gone for a couple of hours to meet her and give her some books, and Fatima’s mother had insisted that she stay for lunch, but then it had started to rain heavily so Usha had to stay longer. By the time she left, the sun was already down and soon it was going to be dark. Fatima’s mother sent her younger son to accompany Usha to her house.

Afzal was a shy 15 year old boy and walked just behind Usha the whole time. They had to cross the market where Usha was a bit afraid as sometimes there were some goons who could pass cheap remarks at girls, especially if they were walking alone.

Just before they turned into the market street, Afzal caught up with her and started to walk with her. They crossed the market safely and walked down the hill towards Usha’s house and when they approached the street where she lived, Afzal turned around and saying “Khuda Hafiz Aapa (big sister)” ran back.

Walking through the clouds that had settled all around in the valley, Usha shivered a bit, she quickly wrapped her chunnie around her shoulders. Her hair was also damp and dishevelled. Her eyes were moist as the moisture had settled on her eyelashes. With her heart thumping and her breathing getting faster with the exertion of her running, her cheeks had gone all pink and shiny.

Emerging out of the fog, just before she turned the corner from where her house became visible, Usha stopped.

She saw there was light on the upper floor of her house, a light in Murti’s room? and she ran all the way home.

Nanna and Dutt had arrived home so suddenly that Usha’s parents had not had a chance to prepare themselves and their house for visitors. There was not much in the house, and it being a lean period in their household income, the family had been eating quite meagerly, making use of what ever simple things Mataji would cook improvising with whatever she had in the pantry, which wasn’t much. So Pitaji decided to go to Jammu the next day, as he needed some money. He had a couple of clients there.

He was an insurance agent and worked in partnership with his other brothers sharing the work and the profit. All of his brothers lived in Punjab, and each year, a few times he would go and visit them, and get his share. They also had some land in a village in Punjab and close to Jammu, where their father used to have a big house which was now used as a holiday place and most of the weddings in their family were celebrated there. Nanna’s wedding was also celebrated there a couple of years ago. Usha still remembered all the fun they had had with all their cousins, as the extended families all came together for such events.

That afternoon, when Dutt and Nanna had suddenly arrived, out of the blue, with the baby and all their luggage, and especially since Dutt was wounded, Usha’s parents had become very worried. Dutt had told them that he had fallen of a ladder and had broken his leg, whereas, Usha knew that he had a shot wound in his leg, Nanna had told her. Then the secret of the boxes, which were all hidden under the stairs at the back, was also keeping Usha awake at night. All these secrets were making her restless, as Usha didn’t know how to hide something.

With Pitaji gone from the house, for a few days, it became easier for Usha to relax a bit, as she had never kept anything from her parents. However, that night when kids had all gone to sleep and Dutt was studying something in Pitaji’s sitting room at the front, Mataji called Usha and Nanna in her room. It seemed she knew something. Usha was trembling and Nanna was very tense and was holding her hand.

Mataji asked Nanna, “What’s happening beta?” She wanted to know whether Dutt had had a problem with the government and that whether they had to move out of their house and come to Srinagar, due to this reason. Luckily, as Nanna and Usha exchanged glances with relief, she hadn’t discovered the black boxes, as yet!

Usha’s parents had known about Dutt, and his involvement in political activism. In his student life, when he was a young boy, he had become involved with the left wing socialist republic party, Naujavan Bharat Sabha. This party which was founded by Sardar Bhagat Singh, the great freedom fighter of India, had taken a radical approach to India’s freedom movement, different from what Mahatma Gandhi and his non-cooperation movement were doing. It believed in the mantra of tit for tat, and did not shy away from violent insurgency against the British to make a point. People like Bhagat Singh considered martyrs for their extreme sacrifices by Indians, were such freedom fighters, but they were treated as terrorists by the British Government.

Dutt had been very young when he had been imprisoned for his work for such a revolutionary group of freedom fighters, though his involvement had only been writing slogans and taking care of the correspondence for the party. Even in the jail, he had spent most of his time in doing these writing jobs, and studying for his exams. After his release from the prison, he had finished his B.A. and then gone to finish a Masters in history. After he had taken a teaching job, he had married, but at heart, he was still a freedom fighter, and had believed that Indians had to show strength in their fight for India’s independence.

The political discussions between Dutt and Murti had been also on these lines, as Dutt did not believe that the British would leave India, just because Mahatma Gandhi had told them to “quit India”, and that because Gandhi’s followers were not cooperating with the British government. But yes, that had been the reason why he had remained involved with people who were still working towards building resistance against the British. He just did not trust them.

Then once the British decided to leave, they started playing dirty to create trouble between Hindus and Muslims. An army unit near Lahore had started to get rid of its weapons, and was secretly giving these to a Muslim group. Then another unit near Rawalpindi, where Dutt was posted, leaked the news of its weapons which were to be given away, a dangerous ploy on the part of the British, as now guns were easily available to both Hindus, as well as Muslims.

Dutt’s group, which was by now an all Hindu group, had been fighting in Rawalpindi and surrounding areas to save Hindu girls who were abducted by Muslims, and Muslim girls, who were abducted by Hindus, and take them back to their families, which was not always easy. Guns were important for them to show a strong front during these escapades. It was decided to take the risk and get hold of these weapons. Someone had to however go to the Cantonment to get these weapons. It was a military area, and the whole procedure of bringing weapons had to be secretly carried out, and was quite dangerous.

Since, Dutt was married and had a child, the group chose him to go in disguise to bring the weapons. The operation went quite smoothly. Having a woman and a child in the car, they were not checked at the military barriers as Nanna and baby were literally sitting on the guns.

They had travelled during the night, but on the way back, when they stopped to take rest and feed the baby at a friend’s place, where the precious cargo had to be unloaded, one of the guns was fired by mistake and Dutt was badly hurt. The noise of the shot and the blood running out of Dutt’s wound, scared everyone and they decided to move somewhere else quickly. A friend, whose brother was a doctor took them in and was able to get his wound cleaned and leg bandaged, he also offered to keep them at his place for a few days, but Nanna was very afraid and the baby was also not well, so Dutt decided to bring them to Srinagar.

Usha’s parents truly respected him for his zeal for India’s freedom, but were now worried about their daughter, Nanna whom they had married off so young.

Nanna was nervous and teary when Mataji started asking questions, but then Usha took control of the situation and said to her mother, “Mataji, Dutt jijaji is taking a break from his work as the situation in Punjab is becoming serious. It will be so good for Nanna and baby if they can stay here for a few months and Jijaji can recover.”

Mataji herself was teary as she took Nanna who was crying openly by now, in her arms. With tears in her eyes she said, “My children are my chooze (chicks), I’m happy to have you all under my wings”. There were many unsaid things that Mataji did not say or ask.

It was early Sunday morning and Usha’s whole family was enjoying some musical moments. Pitaji had started a bhajan and her mother had come from the kitchen to join in.

“Prabhuji mere avgun chit na dharo” the beautiful melodious song in the voices of Pitaji and Mataji, encouraged the children to join in.

“O’ god, please don’t consider me unworthy of your love due to my short comings, please redeem me of these vices and make me eligible for your bhakti”.

The kids had all learnt the lyrics and had melodious voices, Usha felt blessed to sing with them.

Being an Arya samaji, Pitaji did not believe in idol worship, and seldom went to temples. Arya samajis believe in the all pervasive formless supreme father, or param pita parameshwar, who showers His benevolence on His children without any discrimination. Those who worship him need to purify their homes, and hearts with fire, fragrance and ghee, singing hymns in their param pita’s praise. Usha’s mother though still placed offerings in front of her little staues of Krishan and Ram or other forms of bhagwan, but having a havan (offering of fire and fragrant ingredients of samagri and ghee) and singing bhajans was the way of worship in their house hold.

“Hei prabhu anand dayak gyan humko deejiye, chod deven chal kapat ko mansik bal deejiye“!

Oh happiness giver, please give us knowledge, give us mental strength, to give up our vices.

Usha’s parents had a loving relationship and in spite of the hardships that they had to sometimes face in terms of monitory restraints, love and kindness permeated their house. Usha’s mother had created the most hospitable home where any one who came was welcomed with warmth and delicious food.

Murti had chosen to marry Usha for this very reason, he had told that to her mother, many times. Actually the whole proposal saga had started due to what Murti had said to her in a jest one day, “Mataji, if your daughter is even half of what you are, I will marry her”.

Now whenever, Usha’s mother made something special that Murti had liked, she would miss him, something that happened quite often, and with a sigh, would say “When will he come back?”

Usha was still waiting for him, but not with that intensity. She was studying hard to pass her F. A. (Faculty of Art entry) exam.

In the afternoon, after lunch when her parents went to visit someone, and the kids were all taking a nap, Usha took her books in the back veranda. Her younger sister, Burpi also joined her and they both sat and studied for solid two hours. Usha felt hungry, and asked Burpi if she wanted some halwa. They made some besan ka halwa, and sat slurping it, when suddenly there was a honk. A vehicle of some type must have stopped at the front of the house. Burpi ran to see, and shouted,

“It is Nanna and the baby!”

Usha quickly opened the front door to welcome her sister and niece and saw Datt being helped out of the jeep by another man. Datt was hurt it seemed, as he had a bandaged leg and needed someone to lean on to walk to the door. The man who had helped him out of the jeep went back to the jeep and then with the help of the driver of the jeep, started to get some boxes out. “Nanna keep the kids inside”, Datt said and waved the men to bring the boxes in from the side entrance. “What is in them Jijaji?”

“Guns!” Datt said with a smile, “It will be our secret, don’t tell Pitaji”! Dumbfounded Usha nodded her head.

The month of January, with all its great festivities, new year, Lohri, and a couple of family birthdays, had gone quite quickly, but for Usha, despite all the fun, that she was having in Lahore, there was a restlessness. It was time to go home and pick up the threads of her future plans where she had left them.

Nanna had also planned to come home early this year, as the plan was that after delivery, she was going to stay in Srinagar till the baby was a few months old. There was an excitement, the first grandchild, the first baby in the family, and Usha was eagerly looking forward to someone calling her Mausi (auntie). After her college, she would spend time helping her mother cook dinner, and also knit cute little booties, caps and jumpers for the new baby, while taking care of her younger siblings. It helped to remain busy.

March is a beautiful month in Srinagar. The greenery, the flowers, the birds and butterflies, after lying dormant for a few months; burst out with a vengeance. Days get longer and there are actually evenings that need to be filled in with some extra curricular activities. So, after Dutt had gone back leaving Nanna and the baby there, Usha and Nanna had started going for long walks, as after tea, there would be enough time to fill in before dinner.

On one of such evenings, Nanna asked Usha if she had heard from Murti. Usha shook her head and the tears that she had been keeping hidden, since Nanna had arrived, suddenly broke the dam. Sobbing, she could barely speak but managed to convey this much that since she had come back from Lahore, Murti had still not come back, neither had he written to her. Usha’s father had told them when they had come back from Lahore that Murti had come a few weeks ago, but then had gone back to take his Masters exam. He had also said that he was going to look for a good position in a college in Punjab.

“He is not coming back, Nanna!” Usha mumbled in-between her sobs.

“But didn’t Pitaji (father) tell you that Murti wants you to finish your B.A. before marriage?” She was surprised at Usha’s tears.

“Jhalli!” she called her ‘mad’ with affection and hugged her. “I will write to Dutt to check on him”, she promised.

Then one afternoon, when Usha came back from college, she was surprised to see an unknown older man visiting Usha’s father.  She went inside from the back door, when she found Nanna carrying tea, and sweets, in a big tray with great difficulty, so she quickly grabbed the tray offering to serve the tea to the visitor. “Listen Usha, just brush your hair a bit, and keep your chunnie on”, but before she could finish her sentence, Usha had rushed inside with the tray. “Namste chachaji!” as was customary for the girls to greet any of their father’s friends.

“Come Usha, “peripona kar puttar”, touch his feet, this is Murti’s father!” With shaking hands, Usha put the tray on the three-legged table in the middle, and grabbed her chunnie which had fallen on the ground.

She was suddenly very shy and wanted to leave but then her father asked her to sit there. “You need to listen to this”, and he also called her mother to come who was making some pakode (hot snacks) etc in the kitchen.

Usha’s father had actually written to Murti at his village address asking him about his new job, his plans for the marriage etc. Murti was not in the village so his father had read the post card. Murti had till then not told his parents anything so, his father had decided to find out and had made this long journey to Srinagar.

“I think it is important for you all to know”, Murti’s father cleared his throat and started, “Three years ago, when Murti had finished his studies, and was waiting for his first job offer, he had come home for a few weeks. While he was home, in the village, everyone started talking of his marriage, but he didn’t say anything.

Then one fine morning, he told us that he was going to Haridwar. We thought he would go for a few days holiday, but when he left home, he didn’t take any luggage, any box or bag with him, not even his papers, degrees or certificates, and perhaps not much money. He just walked out in the clothes he was wearing. He was gone for months.

His job offer letter came, twice, but we didn’t know where he was. We didn’t have any address, or a even a place name where we could write to him, so we just waited. Then after a few months, we found out from a villager who had gone to Haridwar for his father’s last rites, that Murti was in Haridwar.  He had become a sadhu an ascetic”, Murti’s father dropped the bomb.

“Hi Rabba Oh, God!” Usha’s mother couldn’t control herself.

Usha was stunned. She walked out of the room and went to the backyard, where Nanna was trying to keep the young kids busy. One glance on Usha’s ashen face, Nanna knew something was not right. She asked with her eyes, and Usha shook her head while again trying to hide her tears. She quickly whispered everything to Nanna who was equally shocked.

“What if, Murti has again … (run away)?” Not actually saying the unthinkable, they both looked at each other intensely.

But Mano, their younger sister, who had a very simplistic view of the world said, “Usha didi,” as she took her hand, “Jijaji is Jijaji” Brother-in-law is just brother-in-law”! and she smiled angelically!

Usha was finding it hard to be alone in Lahore, something she really wanted to do, to think, to plan, to decide what she wanted to do.

Her grandparents’ house was quite a big house, almost a mansion, but it could be so crowded, that to find a quiet corner was a struggle. She had decided to sit for the exams in March, and wanted to prepare for them, as much for herself, as for Murti, her fiance, as she would think about him now, always with a smile.

Two of Usha’s aunties were also visiting their mother’s house during Christmas and new year time, as they did every year, with their kids, hubbies, and their maid servants.

Usha’s older uncle, though unmarried, had heaps of friends, always dropping in, staying for one or two meals or staying the night.

The servants in the house were always busy running in and out of the kitchen to the dining or drawing room, serving tea, coffee, hot or cold milk, platters of sliced fresh radishes, apples, guavas, cleaning, polishing, and serving.

Usha’s youngest auntie was actually even younger to Usha. Her actual name was Indira, but she was called Banti, or Banto, as Usha’s Grand mother would call her with affection. She had her own room and spent most of her free time there, alone, while Usha had to share her room with her three younger sisters and two brothers. They were always given two rooms with a bathroom and a small veranda at the back, where sometimes Usha will study. 

With so many people in this house, at the same time, there had to be some routine to keep them in order. Every morning, at the dining table, they were all given the timetable for the day, study hour for all the kids, embroidery/knitting session for the girls, shopping and then lunch in the garden, or the club, music lessons, card party, afternoon tea and language practice, tennis and horse riding, one free hour and then dinner, coffee and singing, everyone had to sing a song, or play an instrument. Everyone laughed a lot, and it was exhausting!

Well, just one hour was not enough for her college study, but that’s the only time that Usha could squeeze in the busy routine of the house. Then in the evenings, a free hour was a bonus, and Usha always ran out to sit in the farthest corner of the backyard, till it got dark. She would think, read a story book, write her diary, write and read letters, mostly from her friend Fatima, and a few from her father. She had not received any letter from Murti; and couldn’t write to him. So she would write long letters to Fatima, instead!

Then one day, something strange happened. Banti asked Usha after breakfast to come to her room, to spend sometimes with her. They were very close in age as she was a couple of years younger than Usha, but somehow there had always been a distance between them. Some unspoken pact that had kept them apart, yes, from her whole family, as whenever they had visited, other than the first hello, in which Usha’s mother will always hug her, and wipe tears, customary for her to cry a bit whenever she met someone after a few days, they always stayed a bit separate. Moreover, since Banti lived there, in Lahore, she always had school, and tuition, music lessons, or other routine activities that kept her busy.

Usha hesitantly came to Banti’s room, and was shocked to see the extravagance of everything that Banti enjoyed in that room. The room had a big four poster bed, a huge dressing table, big windows, an adjoining dressing room and bathroom, and a small private veranda completed the picture of this luxurious lodging. After all, Banti was the youngest daughter, and her mother, Usha’s grandmother had spared nothing to keep her happy. However, Usha had never found Banti to be very happy, from the beginning. Even when she was just a child, she would always stand in a corner, watching Usha and her siblings fight over little things, or see them run around laughing, and teasing each other. She was lonely, that much was clear.

Banti had asked Usha to bring her books, so they could both study together. Banti was preparing for her year 10 exams. Usha sat in that room, and was soon immersed in her study, when she heard the sound of laughing. She looked up, and saw Banti was actually laughing, “what’s up?” Usha asked with her raised eyebrows, and Banti said, “You look so serious, when you study. Are you going to become a professor too?”

So that was it. She knew about Murti, Usha’s mother must have told her mother and from her maybe everyone in the house knew about it. Usha blushed and also got a bit angry. But then the frightened look on Banti’s face which had suddenly paled, melted her heart. How could she be angry with this lovely girl, who was laughing a minute ago, feeling cheeky to be knowing her secret. Usha also smiled and suddenly they both started laughing and fell on the bed giggling.  

After that it became a routine for them to study together, and they also started to stay with each other during the day, sitting in the drawing room, eating, and walking, playing in the garden, always together. They would talk nonstop, telling each other stories, and sharing their dreams, their fears. Mainly Usha talked, but Banti was a great listener. She wanted to soak it up all!

Then one day, they all went for shopping. Banti wanted them to make identical suits. In the shop, Banti chose a yellow silk with brocade green leaves. It was a beautiful colour, and Usha fell in love with it. she really liked it, but then when she looked at her own mother, she could see that she was hesitant. It was an expensive fabric, and she knew, her mother couldn’t afford it, there was silence, but suddenly, Usha’s grandmother took control, and said, “Let us buy two suits, one in yellow, for Banto, and one red for Usha. It will be my gift to her for her wedding suit. She can wear it at the phere (a wedding ceremony, bride and bridegroom going around the fire while taking vows).

When the shop owner, who sat at the big desk at the front of the shop settled the bill, he said, “Both sisters look so alike, and these different coloured suits will at least help tell them apart”. With a shock, Usha realised that yes, Banti had an uncanny resemblance to her, something she herself had not noticed. Mother and grandmother exchanged glances but none of them corrected him.

Usha was silent on the way home, and when they got back, she went to her own room. She looked at her own reflection in the mirror and started to see Banti emerging in her own features. After all they were all related and naturally there was resemblance between her mother, grandmother, aunties and cousins, but the incident today, in the way how the interaction between her mother and her grandmother had gone at the shop, made Usha uneasy. Why didn’t either of them say that these girls were not sisters?

That night was the cinema night and after dinner, the whole family, loaded up in three cars, went to their local cinema. The film, Humayun, had recently been released, and Usha’s uncle, who had already seen the trailer of the movie, had insisted the whole family see it. The movie was about the arrival of the Mughals in India, and how they established their kingdom, their supremacy, after defeating the Rajputs, who were all divided, and didn’t get together in their fight against the invaders. Humayun, who was the son of the first Mughal, Babar, to invade India, with a mind to settle down in India, wanted to bring communal harmony between the defeated Hindu and Muslim people, and their new rulers. The grand film sets, and the beautiful clothes and jewelry worn by the beautiful and graceful heroines, mesmerized the girls, and the women alike.  

Usha was sitting with her mother on one side and Banti on the other. While Banti was talking to a cousin sitting on her left, Usha’s mother squeezed her hand and whispered, “don’t be upset.” She could see that her mother was a bit teary, and was going to cry soon, as she did in movies. “It is ok, mother, don’t worry, but tell me the truth”, she whispered back.  

After interval, in which they were served hot tea and coco, and sweets, they all settled down to grasp the tense situation, in which the main characters of the movie were finding themselves in. Banti put her arm through her arm and held her hand. Usha suddenly felt great rush of love for her and squeezed her hand in return.  

That night, once back in their room, Usha’s mother broke her vow of silence, and cried in front of Usha. The younger kids were sleeping in the other room, and Usha and her mother talked into the night. Yes, Banti was Usha’s younger sister. Then why? How? Usha wanted to know immediately.

It was 1930, when Mahatma Gandhi’s call for Swadeshi, and civil disobedience movement had reached the pinnacle with millions of Indians protesting and breaking British imposed unjust laws, such as salt tax, and giving up their Britain made items.

In great numbers, people were picketing in public places and making bonfires of British made clothes in response to Gandhi’s call for weaving Khadi (home-spun cotton) and wearing Khadi.  

Usha’s mother had participated in one of such events and had been arrested. Banti was only three months old at that time, and since Usha’s mother was still nursing her, she was also jailed along with her mother.

However, in the jail, where all the women were kept, there was no hygiene, and no pest control. Mosquitos, and flies along with cockroaches and mice were prisoners’ constant tormentors. It was not a place for a three-month-old baby. Hence, one day when Banti was running high fever and was getting delirious, Usha’s mother had asked her husband to take the baby to her mother’s house.

Usha’s grandmother, called Bhaboji (big sister in law, and ma) by everyone, had taken in the baby with pleasure. She loved her children and was a natural mother. The baby Banti thrived in her care, but after six months when Usha’s mother was released, she refused to give her up. Since Bhaboji’s all daughters were married, and had left home, and her marriageable aged son had decided not to get married as yet, Bhaboji had found the presence of little Banti in her life, a great solace. She argued with Usha’s mother that Banti would be better off with her, hinting that Usha’s parents who already had two daughters, and a meager income, could not afford to give Banti what she could get at Bhaboji’s house.

“I cried and cried, but Bhaboji wouldn’t budge, and the last straw was when I went to see Banti, she turned her head away from me, but then raised her arms towards Bhaboji”!

“I was speechless, and reluctantly left her with Bhaboji” Usha’s mother said with a sob. Usha hugged her mother, and both cried together. Even Banti didn’t know about it. So, Usha was not supposed to say anything.

The suits had arrived, and Banti came to get Usha to try hers in her room. When they were both, adorned in their new silk suits, and were looking at themselves in Banti’s large mirror, their eyes met, and Banti said, “Yes, he was right, we do look alike!”

“Jijaji (brother-in-law) will have difficulty choosing the correct sister!” and she smiled mysteriously.

No. 5. It was decided, before Nanna and Dutt left Srinagar, in a mutual agreement between Murti and Usha’s family, that there will be a marriage at some stage, and Usha and Murti were betrothed, sort of. He still had not told his parents, who lived in a remote village in Punjab, or he did not think much about it, but Usha’s family, especially her mother was keen to get their approval. It would be an inter-cast marriage and having the boy’s side know everything before hand was crucial.

Murti had however said to Usha’s father that he would very much like Usha to finish her B.A. before marriage, “It is very important for girls to get education and become independent”, that is what he believed in. He was doing his second Masters degree and was hoping to finish it by the end of the year before applying for a government job in a degree college in Punjab.

After Nanna and Dutt left, Murti still came to their house either for a cup of tea or sometimes for a meal, but Usha and Murti hadn’t had a chance to have a talk. Diwali was coming and Murti decided that he would go to his village. Usha found out and was keen to have a word with him, and then one day, Murti announced that he was leaving the next day.

Usha had come back from college when her youngest brother came running and said, “Jija ji (he had already decided that Murti will become his brother-in-law) is going to his village, he will bring a big gur ki theli (a big block of curated jaggery)”.

The situation in Punjab, or for that matter in the whole country, was tense. The culmination of the quit India movement in the British agreement to leave India and the “two separate states” push from the Muslim League coaxed by the British, who were in a hurry to settle and leave as soon as possible, had started wholesale demonstrations and uprisings all around, further resulting in large scale mobilisation of people.

It was an uncertain time and families living in different parts of India didn’t want to take any chances. Why at this time Murti was gong to Punjab? In her selfishness Usha didn’t want to think about his parents and what they must be going through with their son in Kashmir.

She was upset and left the room to go in the backyard and cry a bit in peace, when a small pebble, wrapped in a piece of red paper dropped near her, she looked around, but no one was there.

She picked it up and revealed the pebble, it was small and shiny, and she remembered they had all gone for a picnic near Jhelum a few days ago where she had picked up a few pebbles to make a set of five “geete” the game in which girls played throwing up small stones and then catching them in different ways doing clever tricks, but out of all that she had found, only four were similar size and were smooth and shiny, while others were unworthy of being any part of the set.

Murti tried to convince her that a few of the ones she had left out were okay, “see Ikkad dukkad bambay bo assi nabbey poore so” (a funny way of reciting numbers, just to complete the required numbers).

And all the kids picked up the tune and started singing and teasing Usha.  But She was adamant and didn’t pick any one of the rejected pebbles, even if  she was left with one geetta short to complete her set of five geette (stones for a game).

Now with this shiny pebble that she was holding in her hand, her set was complete. She smiled and then cried.  

After Diwali, the whole family started packing up for their annual sojourn to Jammu and Lahore. While in Lahore, Usha’s mother wanted to buy some things for Usha’s marriage, which they were hoping will be happening soon, in the next or the next year, but she wanted to be ready, as it is always important for the girl’s mother to collect things to get her trousseau ready for whenever it happens in the future.

Hence, Usha’s father was joining them for a few days in Lahore. Moreover, he was hoping that Babu and Murti would be back to keep an eye on the house. Babu had come back but Murti had not come as yet.

Just before leaving the house on their way to the station, Usha went upstairs and left the five pebbles wrapped in a piece of red cloth, just next to the stairs.   

Nanna and her husband Dutt came to Srinagar, in their summer vacation and everything became rosy and chirpy once again. The two sisters got together and were quickly absorbed into each other, oblivious to the rest of the world. Dutt and the young professor knew each other, so they spent most of their time on the roof top, chatting, reading things aloud and mostly arguing about politics, history and religion, and poetry, while Usha’s mother was busy cooking delicious food and delicacies for her newly married daughter, and her husband, who had come home for the first time after their marriage.

Things between Usha and the professor, let us call him by his name now, Murti, which had already started to thaw a bit after the picnic, started to flow faster. Murti was invited over to every dinner, and was part of the family outings, coming along to picnics, their annual track to Amarnath, their pony rides to Chashme shahi, and Usha was getting dragged along with the flow of time and the days they were spending together, towards him. She realised that she actually liked this man a lot. When he laughed, his eyes crinkled, his laughter was congenial as everyone laughed with him. He had the knack of winning over everyone, making even Usha’s younger sister, Bhappi, who was the hardest to please, smile. He could make Usha’s mother’s heart melt by his sincere looks and compliments over her cooking, her hair style, and her smiles. He would listen for hours with equally sincere concern, to Usha’s younger brothers’ kiddish complaints and Usha’s father’s woes, making them feel important and listened to.

Dutt asked Usha’s father if he would be willing for him to broach Usha’s proposal to Murti, and when her father nodded, and said that if Usha did not mind, Nanna pinched Usha’s arm to whisper the most delicious words in Usha’s ears, “Be sure, before saying anything, as you pretty well know that he is a body- builder, he eats at least 10 phulke (Indian flat bread) every night”!

Usha wanted Murti to ask her, but suddenly she was very shy to even talk to him, and he was also a bit reserved with her the following day when they all went to Gul Murg.

They hired two ponies, and while the girls enjoyed the ride, the men walked behind them. Nanna and Usha were singing “rum jhum barse badarva, piya ghar aaja,”, a new Hindi film song, “the clouds are gathering, my love come home, I miss you”, and the men were busy discussing the future of Indian independence, and the imminent departure of the British. “This will be all free and united, one India, and one government”! Murti said. “No! they will not give up so easily, they will divide us, you will see, it will not be a peaceful farewell!” Dutt who was politically much more involved and active, said with a foreboding.

Feeling a bit hot and sweaty, Dutt and Murti had taken off their jackets and suddenly in a jest, Murti threw the jackets for the girls to catch. A dangerous action, as Nanna missed the catch and the jacket landed on Usha’s pony, which agitated the poor animal, who was grazing peacefully, and he bolted, and started going down the hill, along with poor Usha clinging to it for her life.

She closed her eyes, and started to pray, “Oh God, please save me, let me live, I want to finish my study, I want to see free India, I want to make phulke for Murti!” The pony kept going down and down the rocky road, and at a neck breaking speed that could be dangerous to them both, as Usha could slip down, or even worse, both of them could tumble down.

But then suddenly the pony slowed down and then stopped, and started trotting around at the spot, Usha could hear some strange whispers, some singing, and she opened her eyes, and saw to her amazement that Murti was approaching them with some green stalks of long grass, and he was singing, cooing to the pony, telling him that he was the best pony in the world, he was better than an English man’s horse, more beautiful and princely, then very gently he took its bridle and helped Usha off, who willingly fell into Murti’s arms, sobbing and laughing and not knowing whether to hug Murti or look for her chunnie.

There was no need to say anything, as she saw that he was there when she needed him the most, and she smiled and said to him, “I will make your phulke as you like them round and puffy!”

Usha came home from her college, she was full of news, excited, and hungry, but no one was home! The door was not locked, just ajar, but the house was empty. “where is everyone?” she wondered. But then she also got worried as her mother was always home, and her younger siblings, all of them, where were they? She came outside and looked up. The young men who were renting the rooms upstairs looked home, maybe they knew something. She went to the side stairs to go up, but suddenly got shy. These young men who had been living upstairs had tried to say hello to her a few times, but she had been adamant. No, I’m not going to befriend any of them. The reason being that they had invaded her privacy, and without her permission, and her not even knowing, had captured the roof of her castle.

While she had been away in Lahore last winter, her father had rented out the up-stair rooms to two young fellows. Usha’s father had argued the case of bringing young men in a house full of young girls, with his wife saying that they were good fellows, the one called Babu, may be because he was a clerk in the college, was married, hence safe, and the young professor, who was unmarried, had however come with a good character reference from their new son-in-law. Both of them had just been posted in Srinagar had come knocking at his door at a time when he was himself feeling lonely and miserable without his family. And Usha’s mother, who, was a very kind-hearted, hospitable woman, had also shown no objection especially when she found out about the rent they were paying. In a modest household income, the extra money could be a bonus, she could see and was willing to surrender a bit of their privacy.

And the men had really been no nonsense. They used the back stairs and were not noisy or partying type renters, moreover, both were educated, studious, always reading, carrying books, getting two newspapers delivered every day, one in English! So soon Usha’s mother had been won over, and driven by her hospitality and/or motherly instincts had already started to invite them for dinner or Sunday lunches once in a while, saying that “these boys, they just drink kalmuhi (black faced) tea all the time, as they don’t have any one to cook something nice for them”. She sincerely believed that they needed to eat some nutritious food, and it was her duty to provide that. But Usha , while she obeyed and helped her mother to serve them, whenever they were invited, had been aloof and quiet. “I will not talk to them”, she had decided, something she had confided only in her friend Fatima at college.

But, today was different! She had to break the ice, but she couldn’t go upstairs, so she picked up a pebble and threw it at their window. No response, so she picked up a bigger one and threw it up with great force and a shriek announced that it had met its target. The professor looked down with one hand covering his eye, and shouted, “What is the matter?” Horrified that she had injured him badly, Usha burst into tears. The young professor came downstairs and stood close to her and asked again, “why are you crying?” “I can’t find my mother!” she sobbed. He laughed and said, “They have gone for the picnic, didn’t you know?” Then she remembered this was their picnic day, after school they were all going and she was supposed to have gone from her college, but she had forgotten. “Damn it, how can I go there now?” she asked.

“Come with us, we are also going. Your mother had asked me to join them after college, and we were just getting some stuff for the tea”. “Yes, I know you can’t live without tea”, Usha was about to say, but then stopped herself. Luckily his eye was intact, no blood, or injury, and he was not hurt neither was he angry. She agreed to go with him, and as she sat behind him on his bicycle, the folk song, the women had sung at Nanna’s wedding, rang in her ears, “Bycycle challai jande o, oh tuhadi kaun lagdi jinnu piche bithai jande o!”

Oh young man, riding the bike, who is the person you are taking behind you?”

“Oh sadi ‘voh’ lagdi jinnu piche bithai janda ha!” “She is my darling, that I’m giving ride to!”

She blushed at the wording of the song that had come to her mind.

At the picnic everyone enjoyed the snacks Usha’s mother had brought with her, and the tea, that the young professor and Babu made in the park, they all played games and sang songs. Srinagar has many parks, baghs, as gardens are called, and it was a custom for families to go for picnics in summer. And everyone who could make it came to such picnics, and enjoyed the beauty of nature and the company of friends and family.

Usha had a good time, but something changed in her that day. She became aware of things which she hadn’t known much about. She realised that why after her engagement, Nanna had suddenly become so detached, so quiet, and so aloof from her own family, and she understood!

The Spring had just arrived, knocking at the closed doors, tapping at the glazed windows, ‘open, open’! Yes! Usha jumped out of her bed, racing out of the room into the crisp morning. And with her, the cold damp winter air that had been imprisoned in the house throughout the winter months, also escaped making room for the fresh, fragrant and warm spring air to enter. Officially the winter season was over, and the world was beckoning her to grow up, to live up to what the life had to offer. She smiled and stretched her lithe arms up, letting her shawl slip off, she threw up her head and looked up as if welcoming the whole world with a smile. But right then her eyes met with the eyes of someone looking down from the window upstairs. With her smile changing into an embarrassed frown, she dropped her arms, picked up her shawl, and covering herself, walked back inside.

It was February, most probably 5th February, 1944, and Usha shy of turning 17 in a few days, was growing up a bit too fast, as her mother, who had just married off her oldest daughter, had been saying for a few months. They had just come back home in Srinagar, after their usual winter months escape to Jammu and Lahore, where they had been staying with their grand parents.

Usha’s parents, both had big families on their parents’ sides, a number of brothers and sisters, and there were always a few occasions when the families would get together, and Usha, Nanna and other kids got a chance to meet and play with their cousins.

Even though, Usha went to Lahore each year to spend her holidays at her mother’s parents’ place, she was quite close to her cousins from her paternal side. She would always remember her time with her cousin sisters, and would talk about her cousins, remembering her uncle’s daughters, with great fondness. Especially if there was a wedding in the family, the families would all get together at her father, Pitaji’s eldest brother’s house, which was a sort of an ancestral property. While the men, like Usha’s father and uncles would be getting things ready for the wedding, and making arrangements, her mother and aunties would be sitting and discussing family affairs. They would be embroidering, crocheting, putting buttons, laces on chunnies, or pillow cases, and rolling savian, semolina vermicelli, and talking non stop, sometimes, laughing and singing together, sometimes having arguments over some past or new disagreements, but which would always disappear at meal times. There were always the most delicious meals served at that house, as a particular halwai, the sweet maker, was usually engaged to prepare sweets for the wedding and food for the duration of their stay. These wedding festivities would usually last a couple of weeks, and all the children loved spending this time with their cousins, playing, singing, dancing all day long.

Well, as was the routine each year, in winter, Usha’s family left Srinagar, her home town for a few months, coming back usually at the beginning of February. And that is what they had done this year too, and Usha, along with her whole family, her younger sisters, and brothers, was happy to be home and with their father, who had stayed back due to work, oscillating between Srinagar and Jammu, holding the fort in cold winter months. He had also been missing each one of them, but especially their mother. As was customary in those days, women usually spent a few weeks at their parents’ place each year, and their husbands usually came just for a couple of days, at both ends of their stay, to drop them or pick them up at the end of their sojourn at their maika, mother’s house.

After Nanna, her older sister, had got married last year, Usha had felt a bit lonely as they had always been together, and very close. Almost two years’ difference, but they had looked like twins. “A pair of white doves” as they could not be separated, not even for a minute. They used to catch a bus to go to school, and once one of them got in, while the other couldn’t and the bus started. The bus driver had to stop and open the door to get the other sister in as the one in the bus created such a racket, that the other passengers in bus started to scream “Stop, stop!” “sorry dear, I know it is a sin to separate these doves” as the whole bus had cheered, the driver had apologized to the sobbing girls.

When Nanna got engaged, something had happened to her. She was not as chirpy, and clingy as she used to be. She had become a bit aloof, dreamy, and was lost in herself, and Usha had to face the harsh reality. Yes, she had lost her sister to someone else. And then a few months ago, Nanna had got married!

The time away, especially in Lahore had been good to Usha as she didn’t miss Nanna like before, even forgot the pain of loneliness a bit being with her cousins in their grandparents’ huge house, full of the hustle and bustle of a big joint family. But even after the exciting up market busy city life, evenings in the club, going to the movies and tennis matches, picnics in parks, and her grand ma’s sumptuous lunch and card parties, Usha was relieved to be back home. Their house in Srinagar was not as palatial as the one her grand father, being the civil surgeon in Lahore could afford, but this was her home, her palace.

But now who in god’s name was this stranger on the second story of their lovely home, looking down at her, ruining her privacy and her first day of Spring!